Be the Example

Do as I say, not as I do.

This is a phrase that has been kicked around for years - especially when teachers or parents want kids to do something they are asking.

I heard it recently again and it took me by surprise because I had not really paid much attention to this particular phrase before. But if you think about it really carefully...this is a phrase, I think, should be eliminated from every single person's vocabulary.

I know this phrase was used a LOT on my generation when we were kids - and yes, we turned out ok! But the world is different for kids today. There are different (and many more)  influences and people or peers that they can watch and follow and listen to.

So what do we need to do so that our little humans grow up, through their challenging teen years and into adulthood in a way that allows them to: be themselves, as well as being contributing members of society and leading great lives that impact others?

We lead the way by being a good example.

 Parents and teachers are among the most powerful people in the world.

Why? We are in a position of considerable influence. The influence can either be positive or negative. We choose. We decide. But society and the lives of those little humans in our care show the impact of our influence.

Your influence as a mother or a teacher is powerful. Don't waste it - little eyes are watching you! 

 Your children will become who you are, so become who you want them to be.

We know that children are the world's greatest mimics. Whether they are 4 or 14 - they are watching you to see how to act and behave and respond. They are ALWAYS watching!!

If you want your children to become great - then give them something great to imitate. 

  Set an example.

Treat everyone with kindness and respect. You don't have to like everyone on the planet but you do have to treat everyone with courtesy and respect and humanely. You don't have to treat people nicely because THEY are nice. You treat people nicely because YOU are.

The only way for our kids to grow up the way we talk about wanting them to - which is compassionate, kind and thoughtful human beings - is the be that ourselves.

  Being the example is leadership.

The way we teach our kids to become the kind of people we want them to be is:

- to teach them to behave by what we allow to happen and continue, what we stop, what we ignore and what we reinforce.

If we set the example of how we lead  - whether it's leading our own lives, leading our family, leading our kids to make better choices and decisions, leading a team at school or work - then setting the rules will be easier.

 Be so good they can't ignore you (Thank you, Steve Martin, for that quote!)

Being an example to our little humans (in behaviour, in decisions, in resilience, in compassion and empathy, in kindness, in leadership) - is not the main thing influencing others.

It is the only thing! We do not have control over anything else! We can only control what we do, say, and act and how we teach that.

 A good example has twice the value of good advice!

If you have teenagers or work with teens (or even pre-teens!), how often do they listen to the advice you give? You are probably getting the 'You don't understand!' comment. Or 'It's different now to when you were little!' comment. How often do you see kids of any age, 'tune out' when they are getting a lecture?!

We can talk and talk until the cows come home! We can give all the best advice we have in our toolkit. But if we are not walking the walk - then it is meaningless to any little human we are interacting with. Your child will follow your example, not your advice. (Much to our shock, dismay and frustration!)

Nothing is more confusing - especially for young kids - than people who give good advice but set a bad example.

Don't be that person!

As adults - we have a tendency to overcomplicate and overthink things. But with kids - often - what you see is what you get.

So here are a few tips that have helped me and may help you too:

 Our little humans (regardless of age) - are watching us...all the time. So even when you think no-one is watching, they are watching. They are sponges. They take in everything. 

They mimic our mannerisms, our language, our reactions, our responses, our facial expressions. 

I find it intriguing when, after a couple of months into a new school year, I hear the students I teach using the same language and phrases and responses I use. Often these are phrases I use mindfully and consciously but sometimes they are just particular way I say things or respond! 

Interesting thought: I have spent so much time in the company of my teaching partner, that I have picked up phrases she has used and vice versa. So it is not just kids who do it. 

We are ALL impacted by the behaviour and the language of the people around us. They say you are the average of the top five people you spend most of your time with. Choose and act wisely.

 The only power we have is to set the best example possible and the best version of ourselves.

We are not always going to get it right! That's the beauty of it all. But how we react and respond when that happens is as powerful as everything else.

I want to set an example that will never be forgotten. I want the kids in my care, to know that I can be the best version of myself even when things go completely wrong or I am in a really challenging situation or when things just don't go the way I want or expected. I want them to see how we can control our choices when things are hard as well as when they are easy. I want them to see that life is about the choices we make and the impact of those and how we navigate our way through with joy and gratitude.

 It's not just about today.

Every second of every day, we are setting an example of how to live. We do this every day with every choice we make. It's not just about what you want your children to do and be today. It's about the kind of adult you want them to become tomorrow.

We are teaching them how to be adults, not to be the child they are today.

Don't get me wrong. Kids are kids. We want them to have an incredible childhood and play and learn and all of that. But this is bigger than that. What we do, the example we wet, the choices we make - this is about their future.

 If you need to change then make the change.

We are human. We make mistakes. We don't always get it right. But if you feel like you have not been setting the best example then here is your opportunity. 

We can change at any given moment. It may take time for others to see the change but that's ok. We don't need to beat ourselves up for not getting it right. Make the mistake, own it, apologise if you need to. I have apologised to the kids at school before if I have made a mistake. We are human. It is ok and important to own it.

Either way - what you want in your child, needs to be reflected out from you so they can see and model.

 Just remember - you are doing a great job!

Until next week...live your best life!

Clarissa xo