Learn about your own emotions first

In order to understand other people, we must first understand ourselves. We spend a lot of time fighting against our own emotions and thinking we shouldn't feel this way or that way. There are no right or wrong emotions. Everyone experiences the same emotions so why are we spending our time pushing them down and ignoring them? Our lives would be best spent simply by being okay with where we are at right now, at this moment, with sitting with our emotions, acknowledging them and then moving through them. But we can't do that if we don't learn about what they are and why we have them.

 You and I are different

We already know that we are all different. Yet, we have this expectation that others will respond to situations the same way or a similar way to we do. The fact is, this expectation is unrealistic. We might have the exact same experience and yet see it completely differently and experience different emotions to it. Understanding that the person beside you will most take a slightly different perspective is important in learning to understand other people.

While most people are born with a degree of empathy, it is important to nurture and practice this, especially with our little humans. Having said that, sometimes our little humans show more empathy than adults - so really this is for all of us! 

First of all, let's get clear on the definition of empathy.

Empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another of either the past or present without having those feelings, thoughts or experiences fully communicated in an explicit manner.

It is understanding how other people might be feeling based on your understanding of emotions and how they might show up for you too.

 Look for the human behind everything

We are all human. We all experience pain. There is nothing more important than having an understanding of the pain someone else might be experiencing.  We have to feel one another in order to push through the pain and come out the other side. We have to see the humanity in people around us. When we talk about behaviour and kids, we already know that kids are NOT their behaviour. Adults are the same. Sometimes, when people are in pain, they act in a way to try and protect themselves from more pain and that behaviour can push others away. Before you go, look behind the behaviour to the human and the emotions they are experiencing. It's not always what it seems.

 I hear you, I see you, I feel you

Empathy is the old adage of walking a mile in someone else's shoes, seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another. It is not about judgement. It is about saying - I hear you. I understand what you are saying. It is about using your voice for kindness, hearing with compassion. It is about saying I see you. I understand where you are at right now. I might not know what you need but I am here with you. It is about saying - I feel you. I understand the pain you are feeling. It is using your heart for love and your mind for truth. It is about meeting people exactly where they are at right now.

 Communication

Let's make something clear for a moment. Sometimes we do have trouble looking through someone else's eyes because we might have different values. This is when communication is key. Communication in these instances involves: stating the emotions you can see and confirming that with the other person, expressing an understanding of what is happening (I am sorry you are...., it sounds like you have....etc) and then asking some questions.  

Communication is important because the feeling of being deeply understood reinforces a sense of connection between people. It helps people to feel heard and understood and ultimately respected for their past experiences and perspective.

 Listen Mindfully 

- Listen without interruption. If you have ideas or thoughts, make a note of it.

- Stay focused on what is being said. Avoid judgement or assumptions. Often we listen to respond instead of listening to hear. You don't have to think about what you are going to say. It is important that you hear what is being said.

- Validate what you think they said or what you think they feel and give people space or the encouragement to correct if they need.

- Ask if there is anything else they need and thank them for being open to sharing.

A listening, empathetic approach to life and others leads to an improvement in communication, greater acceptance by others and an acceptance of others and also to more positive attitudes towards solving problems.

Until next week....have a wonderfully mindful week.

Love,

Clarissa xo