The Power of Words

Most of us have heard about the discussions that are happening today around being mindful. There is so much information out there today but sometimes it is hard to work out what to actually do with it all. 

Being Mindful is simply about being conscious.

Being conscious is thinking about what we say, do, think, how we act. All of these things affect how we respond and react to a range of situations.

The biggest impact on our kids, initially starts with what we say. 

Our words have

Now...I know you are already aware that our words can impact kids in either a positive or negative way and I definitely feel that we are becoming more conscious for our kids. But for me, in the classroom, it's the off handed comments that we use all the time that I think have just as much impact on children's thinking and maybe some parents struggle with these too. 

So let's see if we can figure out how to FLIP OUR LANGUAGE so that we can make it better for our kids. 

Let me give you an example: 

Scenario: Kids at home or school, ignoring what you are asking them to do, talking over you, showing disrespectful behaviours.

What is your first instinctive comment in response?

You are being rude! Stop! (or something along those lines!!)

I said this kind of statement for years. But then one day,  I was thinking about how I could get the message across by saying it better. Once I thought about what behaviours I actually wanted to see from the kids and came to realise it was about showing their manners, I tried a different angle and as a result, got a different response and over time, the behaviours decreased.

So I tried something like this:

* Can you please find your manners?

* I know you have beautiful manners, can you please show them? 

It's a simple flip but the reaction from the kids is completely different.

Now I get that there will be times when there is a complete meltdown happening and it takes all of your energy to simply hold it altogether! But even in those moments, being conscious of language can make a difference. It's about feeding the language into our kids that we want to become their inner thoughts.

Here is my theory:

When kids hear 'You are being rude', they think  - THEY are rude. They don't connect that we are talking about their BEHAVIOUR and not them as a person. Making that clear distinction can shift the impact on kids. Because ultimately, all kids are good - it's the behaviours that we, as adults, disapprove of! 

So here is another example - 

How many times have you said - You are really annoying me? (Me personally - too many times over the years!)

It takes a simple FLIP of language to change how this sounds and what this means and what kids hear.

Remembering we are not talking about the child themselves but the behaviour, here are some alternatives- 

I feel annoyed by your behaviour Or Your behaviour is not what I am looking for right now? What do you need to do to fix it or change it? 

Don't get me wrong - It's not about always being positive and not getting frustrated! There will be frustration and head shaking and possibly hair pulling (and highly likely some drinking!) but the challenge in being conscious enough to say things differently to our kids - is one that we are all capable of stepping up to.

* What are other moments in time, where you feel frustration over a behaviour that you are seeing from your child?

* How could you flip your language?

I would love to hear what you say and how it makes a difference for you!

Teachers and parents - you are not alone! We are all working this out as we go! But maybe...we can help each other :D 

 Your words have the power to hurt, to heal, to open minds, open hearts and change the world. Never forget the responsibility you have over the words you speak. 

Steve Aitchison

Until next week....have a conscious and mindful week!

Clarissa xo