Who is Judging You?

None of us likes to be judged. Yet, we judge others.

Whether we do it a little or a lot, we all do it. We do it in our little off-handed comments about someone's outfit or something they have said that we don't agree with or like or something they have done - regardless of the magnitude of their actions or if it has anything to do with or impacts us in any way.

Our fear of being judged is so incredibly high that it stops most people in their tracks of doing the things they really desire in life.

Most of us know what our flaws are. We all have things about ourselves that we don't really like. It could be a physical thing, it could be a behaviour we have, our reactions or things we say. Or it could be that we know we want to do something but our fear gets in our way and stops us.

We know what our flaws are. We do not need other people pointing them out for us or commenting on them. Yet, we do not hesitate for a second to make comments about the flaws we think we see in other people.

THEN...I realised two things!

1. Often the things we judge in others are the parts of ourselves that we do not like and so we push them down and shift the focus off ourselves and onto someone else. 

But even worse is - 

2. We judge ourselves FAR more harshly than anyone in the world ever could because of the flaws we think we have!

Now, to be honest...I know we all comment on things about ourselves but I am not talking about that. I am talking about the internal battle of judgement we have going on every single day! I honestly did not think I did this. But this shred of light was shone through the crack one day last week and came as a total and utter surprise to me! 

Do I really judge myself that harshly?

Why would I do that? 

Am I alone in doing this?

If you look around and pay really close attention, you will realise everyone does it.

It shows up in our thoughts, the questions we ask ourselves, our words and our actions.

The level of self-judgement I had came as such a shock to me that I decided to dig a little deeper and here is what I have discovered. 

 Judging yourself is not the same as being honest with yourself

There's a difference between judging yourself and observing yourself. Judging yourself leads to self-doubt and will send you around in circles. Observing yourself will lead to self-improvement and move you towards being a better you. Being honest and self-aware is about discovering who you really are.

Stop reliving the pain of your mistakes over and over again. Acknowledge it, thank it and let it go - along with the judgement. 

 Be gentle with yourself. You're doing the best you can.

Don't be too hard on yourself. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you. Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do. Even mistakes mean you're trying. I will let you in on a little secret...None of us is perfect! Let that madness go!

 Stop judging how far you have left to go and start celebrating how far you've come.

We all make mistakes along the way. It is all part of the life growth process. If we forget to celebrate our distance travelled and how far we have come - EVEN if we are not where we want to be right now - we are missing the point. The point is NOT the destination or the final goal. The point is the journey, the process of learning, growth, mistakes. We are focusing on the wrong thing and when that happens, we judge ourselves FAR too harshly!

 You are not broken. You are not flawed.

There is nothing wrong with you. You do not need to be 'fixed'. You are not broken or flawed. You are perfect where you are and who you are. Would you like to improve some things in your life? Sure! We all do! That does not mean that anything is broken. We need to start accepting all the great things about ourselves!

 We can't see other people's struggles from the outside.

Everyone has their own journey. We can not always see other people's pain from the outside. We compare ourselves to others and what we can see but we can not always see the struggle and so we make this assumption that others are doing far better than we are and then we question and judge ourselves and our own abilities and capabilities. We compare our weaknesses to other people's strengths and it's just BS! We are choosing the pain of judgement instead of embracing our journey and loving ourselves through it.

 There is nothing more beautiful than being unapologetically yourself, comfortable in your own perfect imperfections. That is the true essence of beauty.

We see people who are like this and we judge them for it. Why? I think it is because we wish we were like that too! Without care or fear.

We can be! When we learn to be comfortable with both our strengths AND our weaknesses, we will radiate simple unaffected humanity. Self-acceptance means self-forgiveness and when we forgive ourselves and stop judging ourselves, we won't judge others and then there will be less conflict and more love in the world. 

As you let go of self-judgement, you will find it easier to let go of all judgement.

 It is time to give up who you have been, for who you CAN BECOME! Let it be like that today!

Our self-judgement is a barrier. It is a barrier to our relationship with ourselves, to loving ourselves, for getting to know who we truly are and for embracing who we want to become. What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you. IWhat has happened in the past and who you have been can not be changed or altered. BUT...who you can become - now that is waiting to be discovered and created!

 It's not who you are that holds you back. It's who you think you're NOT.

I am not...this. I am not....that. I am not thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, young enough, old enough....whatever it is...it doesn't matter! What you think you aren't, has more impact on you and your actions than anything else. The only thing you can do is BE. Be who you are right now, at this moment. Be okay with where you are in your journey. Stop judging yourself for not being further along or for not looking or having the things you think you need. You are perfect for right now!  

 Don't judge your story by the chapter you are in right now.

Where we are right now is not where we are going to stay forever. It is simply one chapter in our life. This is something that hits very close to home for me. I have spent so many years judging my own journey, judging myself for feeling like I am going around in circles, judging myself for what I look like, judging myself for feeling like all I am doing is walking around in the dark and bumping into walls,  judging myself for feeling like I do not know as much as other people out there and so I get stopped in my tracks of sharing my message with the world and allowing others to see and share the journey of struggle and triumph with me. Because ultimately, I think that's what others embrace. I know I love following people's journey of struggle and triumph. It is inspiring! So why then, do I feel like I can not be one of those people?

Because my own self-judgement gets in the way and then I become confined only by the walls I build myself! It is time to stop being our own worst critic!

 The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts. 

Our thoughts left unattended will do more damage in our lives than anything anyone could ever say. When we stop judging ourselves for not being humanly perfect, we will begin to see divine perfection. We will see what others see. We will see how our quirks or our flaws and our struggles make us beautiful and inspiring to those around us. Our job is to be mindful of our thoughts but not to judge them. 

When we shift our focus from searching for all of our flaws and punishing ourselves because of our past, to seeking what's beautiful, good and right at this moment, it will completely change our world. Be nice to yourself. It is hard to be happy when someone is being mean to you all the time!

Self-love is not selfish.

You can not truly love another until you know how to love yourself. 

Until next week...remember to be kind to yourself.

Clarissa xo